Bipolar/PTSD Chronicles: Finding the Good

Sometimes I like to look for the positive aspects of my bipolar and PTSD. Hypomania has some real blessings and joys in it, such as the energy to get through depression and being in lover with life enough to withstand suicidal ideation. And the hypervigilance I have from PTSD keeps me safe at night, when walking home or from gigs lugging guitar and CDs!

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Survivor’s Corner & Bipolar/PTSD Chronicles: Not Strong Enough for Atheism

I wish I were strong enough to be an atheist, but the truth is i would have been gone long ago, if I hadn’t been reared fundamentalist christian. As much as I believe threatening children with gorily described hell was a form of child abuse, it was also fear of that hell that prevented me from following through with my frequent thoughts of suicide.
Over time I have relaxed my fear of hell to the point of near non-existence, and I still consider myself to be intellectually agnostic if not atheist. But emotionally I still need everything in my spirituality arsenal, as woo-woo or fluffy or fairy tale-y it may be. I need my angels and my reincarnation and when I make the time to do the work on reclaiming a loving god in my image, yes, I need God, too.

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New YouTube video! “Less Kvetchin’ n’ Frettin’!”

Less kvetchin’ n’ frettin’, more livin’ n’ givin’!
Video link:
AFFIRM: Today I am appreciating every experience, am relaxed about my life, and am sharing of myself, in a healthy way!

Cassendre Xavier, Singer, Writer & More!
(also working as Amethyste Rah, Amrita Waterfalls, Endowed Goddess, and renaissance negresse. Typical bipolar, ha!)

Music & Guided Meditation Downloads & CDs:
Inspirational Writing:
Amazon Wishlist:

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When You Want to Eat (Or Otherwise Use), Stop, Breathe & Help Someone

Dear Friends & Total Complete Strangers!

Here is a YouTube video I recorded this morning for anyone in recovery from addiction!

Video Link:

Video Description:
I’m a recovering binge eater new to intermittent fasting to lose weight and reduce my high blood pressure. I had about an hour to wait before I could eat breakfast (18 hours since I ate dinner yesterday), which I wanted to do because when I do that I lose about 2 lbs per week. Even though I was drinking water and trying to stay calm it was very hard to stay away from the food, so I asked my inner wise self what I should do. “Help someone!” came the answer.
So, I went to Thomas Hall’s hypnosis website ( ), found his Patreon link, and signed up with my debit card to be a monthly donor to his wonderful videos, many of which are free on YouTube ( ) and have helped me not binge.
I also decided to record this YouTube video because art is my medicine, speaking and using my voice is my gift, and building and serving community is my mission.
So I hope this helps you, if you are a recovering addict of any kind, be it food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, cutting, shopping, romance/relationships/codependence, sex, or self-sabotage: it’s all “using”, it’s all the same, it’s all addiction (and avoidance).

***When you want to use, stop, breathe, and help someone.***

Be good to yourself, because you are worthy of this and so much more. Also, when you are kind to yourself, you help others, because We are All One 🙂

Make yourself a beautiful day,

Cassendre Xavier
(also working under the names Amethyste Rah, Amrita Waterfalls, and Endowed Goddess)
Multi-media healing artist

If my work is helpful to you, please support when you can, and thanks! (Paypal: and/or
Amazon Wishlist: )

Music & Guided Meditations: and






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As Far As the Company You Keep

You can go as far as the stars will lead you, as far as your heart yearns, your mind dreams, and your muscles work, but not further than the company you keep or the people you live with.

Cassendre Xavier, Founder & Executive Director of the 12th Black Women’s Arts Festival (Sept. 15-16, 2018, at


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Thanks, CPAP!

Whoo-hoo! I got a full 8 hours and didn’t need to tinkle once. Thank you, CPAP! (Used to be 3-5 times a night, until 2015 when I got my DreamStation device, with its convenient, lightweight carrying case, all fully paid by the Medicaids)! #SleepApnea #BeLessGrumpy #Mood #SexyPeopleUseIt

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Life Happens: Follow Your Bliss Anyway

Making art, being creative, and finding joy no matter what, releases blessings, increases prosperity, attracts miracles, and is its own reward.

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