Being rich isn’t just about money (Bubzbeauty quote) 

“Being rich isn’t just about money. You can be rich from happiness. You can be rich from knowledge. Some people are so poor, all they have is money. Remember, You can buy a house, but not a home. You can buy sex, but not love. You can buy a bed, but not rest. You can buy a clock, but not time. You can buy fame, but not respect. You can buy a book, but not knowledge.”

  – Bubz, of YouTube channel Bubzbeauty 

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Pray Without Ceasing 

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​Bipolar/PTSD Chronicles: Writing & Depression 

One of the things I appreciate most about writing is that I can do it even when I’m depressed. Whether kvetching or moaning or whining or ranting or peptalking I can still write.

I didn’t know I was depressed until I got some pics from my nesting partner sharing his day with me.

 I had texted him that I wasn’t going out today but had been doing housework instead. He texted back thank you and to rest because it was cold and wet out anyway. That felt nice and then I saw an email response from him to the email I had sent earlier in which I reminded him that morning time is for me a time of prayer, meditationaries and reflectitudes. (He had been playfully kicking me, trying to get my attention as I was on my tablet.)

 I told him how important writing is to me, and especially when I’m going through a crisis, and since I’m not working right now I feel especially called to write for my own and others inspiration. 

 If I were still living in the city I would be more likely to go out and busy myself, going to the library, running errands, and volunteer as I have for years,

 But since leaving my volunteer position and co-working space of 4.5 years in September I am no longer commuting regularly to the city. I am now in the suburbs with little to do but eat, watch TV, gain weight, and write. I am glad to have the last bit because it will help me do other things I should, such as exercise, sing, play guitar, write songs, go out, get a job, volunteer, etc., not necessarily in that order, as there are feelings of difficulty associated with more than one of those things.

 I am writing this from bed and that gives me hope, because I am writing.

 Writing is a solutely amazing. I am grateful to my friend and mentor who told me that it, not my singing/music, is my primary gift and talent. I don’t feel that’s the truth, only his perspective, but it does give me more value as a writer, in my eyes. It helps me appreciate myself more,and it makes me more excited about writing.

 Today I feel depressed. I canceled my weekly therapy session for the second week in a row. 
I am happy and proud that in the last three days I have eaten brown rice, collards, beans, sardines, garlic-infused EVOO, apple cider vinegar, unsweetened almond milk, I have done less lying down and a little back and stomach (“core”) strengthening exercising, prayer and meditation, housework,writing, and less worrying!
I hope to write more, exercise more, eat less and worry less.
Happy to be here, and thanks for reading.
My readers are necessary for my writing to continue and grow, and writing is my medicine. It gives me a sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment to, in,and for my life. So thanks again 🙂

Links to more of my writings:

Wisdom Magazine, monthly column since 2009:
http://tinyurl.com/CXWisdom

Primary blog (including poems, recipes, and more spirituality): [here][http://cassEndrExavier.blogspot.com]

Erotic blog:
http://AmritaWaterfalls.blogspot.com

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What Have I Done with My Life? 

If you ever wake up

a little too early in the morning 

And the question comes to your mind

“What have I done with my life?”

If the question comes with fear

worry and concern

that you made a lot of mistakes

took a lot of wrong turns

did it all the wrong way

and well and truthfully failed
Don’t stay in that place

Think instead these answers
“I was alive.

I lived.

I loved.

I learned.

And I tried.”
We are always doing the best we can

with what we have

and with what we know 

At any given moment 
Have compassion for yourself 

And try to see yourself 

Through the eyes of Spirit

That which Created you

The Most High

See the bigger picture
And say to yourself 
“I am still alive.

And as long as I’m alive

I can still try

And try again.

I am thankful. 

I am grateful. 

I am excited for another chance.

I will try to do my best as always.

And all is well!”

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Considering Christianity: On Addiction & Conversion 

Dear Friends & Total Complete Strangers!
I was reviewing this passage of scripture:
===============

1 Corinthians 6:19-20. 

New King James Version (NKJV)
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

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I found it when I was searching for what Jesus says about gluttony. Sorry, but I’ve had Jesus on the brain since my angel teacher Doreen Virtue became a born again in January 2017, but I ignored that until I watched one of her new YouTube videos last week. Since then and probably in part because of my fundamentalist Christian upbringing I have been thinking a lot about Jesus Christ.
I feel I want to become an honest-to-God Christian but I have many fears about doing so, such as losing the physical perks of not givin’ a good goddamn (ie. being largely pagan and guilt-free when it comes to earthly and bodily delights), and looking like a bonafide idiot to the brilliant atheists, agnostics, and intellectuals that I so admire.
Today I ate a lot of ice cream, and retired for the evening very early, at 5pm, so as to not eat again.

I ate no fruit and not enough vegetables (just some collards with my brown rice and dark red kidney beans).
I and many of my readers have eating disorders and other addiction issues, and if you’re one, I’m wondering if you ever considered or tried applying a religious approach to address yours? Or perhaps you tried and it didn’t work? Or perhaps yours are not a concern right now?  
Because I weigh the most I ever have, and the other health and age-related issues of my life right now, I feel compelled to make some significant changes in my daily habits.
The idea seems overwhelming but I feel comforted by an inner spiritual voice of wisdom that says, “Relax. You don’t have to change everything at once, or right away. You’re on the right path and keep up the good work. You can do it. Be brave and get the right help to align with you. You will do it.”
Does recovery from addiction have to be a scary and daunting prospect?
Why is even Jesus frightening to me?
Is it because he is male and comes with the wrath of “God His Father?”
Is my childhood experience of abuse the cause of my fear of God and if so, how will I ever get over that? Or is it normal resistance of “the flesh”?
All of my spiritual mentors are white women with soft voices. Very non-threatening. I can’t even have a black female psychotherapist. Is that related to my PTSD?
One thing I do like about Christianity is that it’s very simple. The rules are very clear. There aren’t tons of books to read: only one. 

It isn’t hard to find places to worship: there are tons.
What will I do about my erotic artistry? Will I study Gnosticism more, or just stick with the idea of a sex-positive Jesus who would allow what I’m doing there?

 When I think about it now, I feel I am bringing the lust out of people and maybe that’s not something I went to be responsible for. I don’t want to be a temptation, because I don’t know everyone’s spiritual practice, preference, or goals.
I’m not sure what I will be doing, but right now I know there is a big opportunity for me to make a positive change that could significantly alter the course of my life, if I’m willing to be brave enough to face all the many many fears involved.
I don’t like all the sad, frightening, and fearful feelings I have when I think about my Christian past and upbringing. 

 That’s why I left it long ago for the warm and fuzzy, easy breezy New Age lifestyle I switched to in my 20s. 

 But today the words of Dr. Phil came to mind: “How’s that workin’ for ya?”
How has my eclectic, interfaith, anything-goes-as-long-as-you-don’t-hurt-anyone spirituality served my mind, body, spirit and lifestyle over the years? 
What are the results?

After all, what are the fruits my spirituality has produced.
I am asking myself that today.

And as I discover the answers, I will write again. 
Thank you for reading 🙂
Cassendre 
================

Responding Dos & Don’ts 
Please DO:

* Pray for me or send me positive vibes/hold a vision of my well-being/ wish me well

* Leave a positive comment if you wish (No questions please as I don’t want more to do 🙂

* Private message me ONLY IF WE KNOW EACH OTHER OFFLINE 
Please do NOT:

* Private message me UNLESS WE KNOW EACH OTHER OFFLINE 

* Recommend any books, audios or other media, churches, ministers, groups or websites of a religious nature. As my journey continues I will attract what’s best for me “by my works,” ha!!!

* Be snarky or “challenging.” I am not interested in debating.
I am grateful to know some pretty bad-ass Christ-followers in my life. I will be reaching out to some of you soon, if I remain on this path of questioning, resisting, and accepting. Thank you again! 

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Please Respect My Inspirational Writing 

Just a wee rant, my friends. Take it with the block of salt that my many moods warrant!

This began as a tiny little comment on social media but then it just growed and growed! 
If you want to get blocked, leave a snide or sarcastic comment on one of my inspirational posts. I am serious about my work, and I can’t stand snark. It isn’t playful to me. It offends, hurts my feelings, makes light of (and has the direct opposite effect of when people thank me for) my efforts. Please take that “playfulness” elsewhere. 

 Yesterday I posted “When in doubt, be grateful.” Someone responded, “When in doubt, doubt.” 

 Is that funny? Then post your humor on YOUR timeline. I am not here to provide a forum for anyone’s comedy.

 Do you want to show how clever you are? Please use your timeline for that.

 Remember, the renaissance negresse has the bipolar disorders. At any time she could be in a highly irritable mood and have zero-zip-zippety tolerance for disrespectful nonsense.

 Don’t you know it takes effort to be bright and shiny in a dark and gloomy world? To bring the light out every single day, to share it with others every day in hopes of reaching one persun who will feel a little less down, a little more hopeful, and give us ALL a little more strength. 

 I am here to help us remember the positive side of the world, the good stuff the light and the love in it.

 I am here to help us all continue living well, getting on with our day and our joys and our meaningful workery-type activitations.

 I LOVE what I do, I’ve been doing this since the early 90s and I’m not about to quit anytime soon.

 Most of the time I hear nothing about it. I just do it because I must, because it’s my own medicine, in addition to being my gift to the world. I am aware that the motivation to be an inspirational writer is God’s gift to me, so I feel compelled to celebrate and show appreciation and respect for that gift.

 That means that I write inspiration as often as I can (Daily or even hourly posts on the Facebooks and the Twitters, my blogs, and my YouTube channel), and by any means necessary (webzines I have written for include Wisdom Magazine and InnerSelf Magazine), and even self-made zines and chapbooks printed at office supply stores. 

 I do this because inspirational writing is my passion.

 I do receive some “likes”, and once in a while I receive positive feedback, a nice email, a comment on one of my posts. These go very far with, and are greatly appreciated by me.

 But for the most part I write and don’t hear back, and that is fine with me because I am not doing this for applause or praise, any more than a physician or minister does her work for applause or praise.

 When I receive a snarky comment, if I know the persun and have otherwise positive experiences with them, I’ll just delete the comment.

 But if it’s a stranger, I make ’em go bye-bye with the block or unfriend button, depending on level of snarkery (aka “snarkation”).

 I don’t usually do rants but I felt compelled to do this one, and I believe there is room in the world for righteous anger, such as when Christ expressed his less than cheerful feelings about the money changers in the house of the Lord.

 Anyway, please don’t show me the snark. Snark is the opposite of angels. The opposite of inspiration.  The opposite of what makes the renaissance negresse happy. Not sure how to respond to my posts?

 When in doubt, be silent.

Or rather, be grateful! 
Thanks for letting me share!
Lovingly, 
Cassendre 

 
 

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How to make people change 

The only way to make people change is to not need them to. The only way someone else can change is when you do. (We are All One!)

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