What Have I Done with My Life? 

If you ever wake up

a little too early in the morning 

And the question comes to your mind

“What have I done with my life?”

If the question comes with fear

worry and concern

that you made a lot of mistakes

took a lot of wrong turns

did it all the wrong way

and well and truthfully failed
Don’t stay in that place

Think instead these answers
“I was alive.

I lived.

I loved.

I learned.

And I tried.”
We are always doing the best we can

with what we have

and with what we know 

At any given moment 
Have compassion for yourself 

And try to see yourself 

Through the eyes of Spirit

That which Created you

The Most High

See the bigger picture
And say to yourself 
“I am still alive.

And as long as I’m alive

I can still try

And try again.

I am thankful. 

I am grateful. 

I am excited for another chance.

I will try to do my best as always.

And all is well!”

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Considering Christianity: On Addiction & Conversion 

Dear Friends & Total Complete Strangers!
I was reviewing this passage of scripture:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20. 

New King James Version (NKJV)
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

I found it when I was searching for what Jesus says about gluttony. Sorry, but I’ve had Jesus on the brain since my angel teacher Doreen Virtue became a born again in January 2017, but I ignored that until I watched one of her new YouTube videos last week. Since then and probably in part because of my fundamentalist Christian upbringing I have been thinking a lot about Jesus Christ.
I feel I want to become an honest-to-God Christian but I have many fears about doing so, such as losing the physical perks of not givin’ a good goddamn (ie. being largely pagan and guilt-free when it comes to earthly and bodily delights), and looking like a bonafide idiot to the brilliant atheists, agnostics, and intellectuals that I so admire.
Today I ate a lot of ice cream, and retired for the evening very early, at 5pm, so as to not eat again.

I ate no fruit and not enough vegetables (just some collards with my brown rice and dark red kidney beans).
I and many of my readers have eating disorders and other addiction issues, and if you’re one, I’m wondering if you ever considered or tried applying a religious approach to address yours? Or perhaps you tried and it didn’t work? Or perhaps yours are not a concern right now?  
Because I weigh the most I ever have, and the other health and age-related issues of my life right now, I feel compelled to make some significant changes in my daily habits.
The idea seems overwhelming but I feel comforted by an inner spiritual voice of wisdom that says, “Relax. You don’t have to change everything at once, or right away. You’re on the right path and keep up the good work. You can do it. Be brave and get the right help to align with you. You will do it.”
Does recovery from addiction have to be a scary and daunting prospect?
Why is even Jesus frightening to me?
Is it because he is male and comes with the wrath of “God His Father?”
Is my childhood experience of abuse the cause of my fear of God and if so, how will I ever get over that? Or is it normal resistance of “the flesh”?
All of my spiritual mentors are white women with soft voices. Very non-threatening. I can’t even have a black female psychotherapist. Is that related to my PTSD?
One thing I do like about Christianity is that it’s very simple. The rules are very clear. There aren’t tons of books to read: only one. 

It isn’t hard to find places to worship: there are tons.
What will I do about my erotic artistry? Will I study Gnosticism more, or just stick with the idea of a sex-positive Jesus who would allow what I’m doing there?

 When I think about it now, I feel I am bringing the lust out of people and maybe that’s not something I went to be responsible for. I don’t want to be a temptation, because I don’t know everyone’s spiritual practice, preference, or goals.
I’m not sure what I will be doing, but right now I know there is a big opportunity for me to make a positive change that could significantly alter the course of my life, if I’m willing to be brave enough to face all the many many fears involved.
I don’t like all the sad, frightening, and fearful feelings I have when I think about my Christian past and upbringing. 

 That’s why I left it long ago for the warm and fuzzy, easy breezy New Age lifestyle I switched to in my 20s. 

 But today the words of Dr. Phil came to mind: “How’s that workin’ for ya?”
How has my eclectic, interfaith, anything-goes-as-long-as-you-don’t-hurt-anyone spirituality served my mind, body, spirit and lifestyle over the years? 
What are the results?

After all, what are the fruits my spirituality has produced.
I am asking myself that today.

And as I discover the answers, I will write again. 
Thank you for reading 🙂

Responding Dos & Don’ts 
Please DO:

* Pray for me or send me positive vibes/hold a vision of my well-being/ wish me well

* Leave a positive comment if you wish (No questions please as I don’t want more to do 🙂

Please do NOT:


* Recommend any books, audios or other media, churches, ministers, groups or websites of a religious nature. As my journey continues I will attract what’s best for me “by my works,” ha!!!

* Be snarky or “challenging.” I am not interested in debating.
I am grateful to know some pretty bad-ass Christ-followers in my life. I will be reaching out to some of you soon, if I remain on this path of questioning, resisting, and accepting. Thank you again! 

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Please Respect My Inspirational Writing 

Just a wee rant, my friends. Take it with the block of salt that my many moods warrant!

This began as a tiny little comment on social media but then it just growed and growed! 
If you want to get blocked, leave a snide or sarcastic comment on one of my inspirational posts. I am serious about my work, and I can’t stand snark. It isn’t playful to me. It offends, hurts my feelings, makes light of (and has the direct opposite effect of when people thank me for) my efforts. Please take that “playfulness” elsewhere. 

 Yesterday I posted “When in doubt, be grateful.” Someone responded, “When in doubt, doubt.” 

 Is that funny? Then post your humor on YOUR timeline. I am not here to provide a forum for anyone’s comedy.

 Do you want to show how clever you are? Please use your timeline for that.

 Remember, the renaissance negresse has the bipolar disorders. At any time she could be in a highly irritable mood and have zero-zip-zippety tolerance for disrespectful nonsense.

 Don’t you know it takes effort to be bright and shiny in a dark and gloomy world? To bring the light out every single day, to share it with others every day in hopes of reaching one persun who will feel a little less down, a little more hopeful, and give us ALL a little more strength. 

 I am here to help us remember the positive side of the world, the good stuff the light and the love in it.

 I am here to help us all continue living well, getting on with our day and our joys and our meaningful workery-type activitations.

 I LOVE what I do, I’ve been doing this since the early 90s and I’m not about to quit anytime soon.

 Most of the time I hear nothing about it. I just do it because I must, because it’s my own medicine, in addition to being my gift to the world. I am aware that the motivation to be an inspirational writer is God’s gift to me, so I feel compelled to celebrate and show appreciation and respect for that gift.

 That means that I write inspiration as often as I can (Daily or even hourly posts on the Facebooks and the Twitters, my blogs, and my YouTube channel), and by any means necessary (webzines I have written for include Wisdom Magazine and InnerSelf Magazine), and even self-made zines and chapbooks printed at office supply stores. 

 I do this because inspirational writing is my passion.

 I do receive some “likes”, and once in a while I receive positive feedback, a nice email, a comment on one of my posts. These go very far with, and are greatly appreciated by me.

 But for the most part I write and don’t hear back, and that is fine with me because I am not doing this for applause or praise, any more than a physician or minister does her work for applause or praise.

 When I receive a snarky comment, if I know the persun and have otherwise positive experiences with them, I’ll just delete the comment.

 But if it’s a stranger, I make ’em go bye-bye with the block or unfriend button, depending on level of snarkery (aka “snarkation”).

 I don’t usually do rants but I felt compelled to do this one, and I believe there is room in the world for righteous anger, such as when Christ expressed his less than cheerful feelings about the money changers in the house of the Lord.

 Anyway, please don’t show me the snark. Snark is the opposite of angels. The opposite of inspiration.  The opposite of what makes the renaissance negresse happy. Not sure how to respond to my posts?

 When in doubt, be silent.

Or rather, be grateful! 
Thanks for letting me share!


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How to make people change 

The only way to make people change is to not need them to. The only way someone else can change is when you do. (We are All One!)

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Black Women’s Arts Festival Lineup!

Dear Friends & Total Complete Strangers!

We are gearing up for another lovely edition of the Black Women’s Arts Festival, coming up at the end of the month. Very exciting!

Here is where you will find the line-up and other news which will be updated regularly!

BWAF Philly 2017 – The 11th Black Women’s Arts Festival

Saturday, September 30 – Sunday, October 1st

The Rotunda, 4014 Walnut St, Philadelphia, PA 19143-3705

1pm-9pm both days

Smoke-free, alcohol & drug-free, all-ages, wheelchair-accessible.

Events include:

All-People’s Open Mic

Ceremony to Honor Our Ancestors & Elders

Free admission.

As always, “All respectful persuns are welcome to attend!”

Current lineup (more TBA):

Amor La Luna – painter (exhibition + Q&A)

Tamara Xavier – dancer/choreographer (performance + Q&A)

Kai Oceans – artist & speaker (exhibition, talk & angel reading)

Dr. Sunlight Little – lecture presenter on diet & health (+ reflexology)

Cassendre Xavier – music performance; reading poetry & essays

Food by Atiya Ola’s Spirit First Foods (raw, vegan, and vegetarian)

Info: http://www.cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com

Contact: Cassendre Xavier, founder/artist/organizer cxmusic(at)gmail.com (215-552-8850)

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What the angels want you to know today 9/10/17

Don’t Get Out of Bed Until You Do This
Sometimes, or iff’n you’re very fortunate most or all of the time you wake up feeling pretty good and optimistic about things-  the world,  your life, etc.

 Once in a while, if difficult or unpleasant things are happening, or if you have the gift and challenge of some form of depression, it will be harder to get out of bed. Harder to start the day, because of thoughts that don’t feel so good.

 I have the great depression as well as a teensy bit of life challenge that happens to include a project with a fast approaching deadline (so anxiety is as its peakery reggiones!). When I wake up these days, I’m surprised and oh so very, very grateful when I actually wake up feelin’ purdy cheerful! 

 Usually when I awake in the land of dumpsville, I just say a few comforting things to myself, mentally, and that helps me feel better. Or I’ve got Columbo to look forward to in a few minutes, so I hurry up and make the beds and pack up my computer and notes and maybe collect laundry before heading downstairs to set myself up on the couch to write and do my online stuffs, which all make me very happy, especially when I can get in a couple of loads of laundry. I cherish being alone, although I also enjoy when my nesting partner, his college-attending daughter and I are all at home enjoying being at home together. (But I prefer being there alone, because there’s nothing to stress me out or concern me other than the stressors already in my own head and in the world around me!)

  This morning was particularly challenging for me to get out of bed and feel good.

 My CLAP breathing machine stopped working on August 23rd and I haven’t received the replacement unit yet (hopefully it will arrive tomorrow.) In the interim several of my sleep apnea symptoms have returned, including fatigue, frequent urination especially at night, and early this morning I had an attack o’ the old painful dry-eye! I woke up to pee (again!!!) and my left eye was really hurting,  and watering, and I realized what had happened – the condition I had before the machine returned. It is so painful but now feels better. 

 So, when I woke up, I had physical reasons to feel bad in addition to the other reasons.

 But I knew I didn’t want to get out of bed feeling that way. I must have put out a psychic, milli- second plea to the angels for relief and guidance because suddenly I knew:
Don’t get out of bed until you feel better. This is very important. We are glad you asked and came to us!

 Before you get out of bed right now, say 10 things to yourself that are positive. They can be less than 10 things that you repeat, but ideally choose 10 different things at least. More is better but not if it becomes boring, annoying, or something you resent doing.
So I said to myself: 
Everything’s going to be okay.

Everything IS okay!

All is well.

The world is fine.

I am beautiful. 

People love me.

I am loved.

I accept myself as I am.

I am doing the best i can.

All is well.
I mean, I don’t remember if I said exactly those things, I didn’t write them down, but it was only a few minutes ago and they are what I think about a lot, and they do address all of my concerns right now.

If you are:

Worried about your productivity, know that everyone is doing the best they can, given the way they are and the resources they have at the time. That includes you. Also, note that your life does not consist of just one area of “work” but many.

The angels and guides (including God) help us see the greater picture of our lives, and that we are always doing good work and making progress. Never judge yourself harshly, especially not for how much typical work you do or how much money from this work you make. You are much more than these things in the eyeball sockets of Spirit!
If you are:

Living in a challenging household, try to work around the difficulties, and meet people where they are or find and interact with the traits about them you do enjoy.

 For instance, my nesting partner smokes a lot and I realized as I wrote this that one of the reasons I was kinda bummed about getting up was that I could already smell the cigarette smoke in the bedroom on the smoke-free 2nd floor from his smoking on the first floor. I was feeling anxious about going downstairs for breakfast. 

 But I decided to relax, and when I heard him come up to use the bathroom I called out his name on his way back down. I remembered that while his is usually very negative in how he speaks and sees the world, he loves to watch the news and complain about the government or just about everything he can find to complain about, one of the very handy and helpful things about him is he is very sympathetic to others’ pain, and is superman when it comes to handling a problem. I called him in and when he came in I told him about my painful eye incident. He way very concerned, very compassionate, and it was a very sweet and short conversation. He returned to his smokes, coffee, and computer, and I got back to writing this. Time alone but together. I felt better.
I hope that every day you wake up feeling pretty good and having positive thoughts about who you are in this world and how it is all around you, because all is truly well! 
Well doesn’t mean happy, in this case, it means learning the value of practicing acceptance, seeing the gifts and the lessons in everything.
I wish that for you today, and that you recognize your true value and worth, and see yourself, others, and the world around you through the eyeball sockets of Spirit. 
And so it is!


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BWAF Philly Street Team Alert! 


Hi, folks!

We’ve got fliers ready for pick-up and distribution. If you’re in the area, please pick up a pinchful to take to a coffeehouse or community center, etc. Or take a few more if you like or if you have been notified that you will be a featured presenter. We haven’t notified everyone so please stay tuned and check your messages! Also, even if we weren’t able to select you for this year, there’s always the All-People’s Open Mic and next year’s festival!

Fliers are at:

Bindlestiff Books

4530 Baltimore Ave

Philadelphia, PA 19143


This weekend, 12pm-7pm

They are in a box at the counter.

Thank you for helping to promote the event!

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