​Bipolar/PTSD Chronicles: Writing & Depression 

One of the things I appreciate most about writing is that I can do it even when I’m depressed. Whether kvetching or moaning or whining or ranting or peptalking I can still write.

I didn’t know I was depressed until I got some pics from my nesting partner sharing his day with me.

 I had texted him that I wasn’t going out today but had been doing housework instead. He texted back thank you and to rest because it was cold and wet out anyway. That felt nice and then I saw an email response from him to the email I had sent earlier in which I reminded him that morning time is for me a time of prayer, meditationaries and reflectitudes. (He had been playfully kicking me, trying to get my attention as I was on my tablet.)

 I told him how important writing is to me, and especially when I’m going through a crisis, and since I’m not working right now I feel especially called to write for my own and others inspiration. 

 If I were still living in the city I would be more likely to go out and busy myself, going to the library, running errands, and volunteer as I have for years,

 But since leaving my volunteer position and co-working space of 4.5 years in September I am no longer commuting regularly to the city. I am now in the suburbs with little to do but eat, watch TV, gain weight, and write. I am glad to have the last bit because it will help me do other things I should, such as exercise, sing, play guitar, write songs, go out, get a job, volunteer, etc., not necessarily in that order, as there are feelings of difficulty associated with more than one of those things.

 I am writing this from bed and that gives me hope, because I am writing.

 Writing is a solutely amazing. I am grateful to my friend and mentor who told me that it, not my singing/music, is my primary gift and talent. I don’t feel that’s the truth, only his perspective, but it does give me more value as a writer, in my eyes. It helps me appreciate myself more,and it makes me more excited about writing.

 Today I feel depressed. I canceled my weekly therapy session for the second week in a row. 
I am happy and proud that in the last three days I have eaten brown rice, collards, beans, sardines, garlic-infused EVOO, apple cider vinegar, unsweetened almond milk, I have done less lying down and a little back and stomach (“core”) strengthening exercising, prayer and meditation, housework,writing, and less worrying!
I hope to write more, exercise more, eat less and worry less.
Happy to be here, and thanks for reading.
My readers are necessary for my writing to continue and grow, and writing is my medicine. It gives me a sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment to, in,and for my life. So thanks again 🙂

Links to more of my writings:

Wisdom Magazine, monthly column since 2009:

Primary blog (including poems, recipes, and more spirituality): [here][http://cassEndrExavier.blogspot.com]

Erotic blog:

About cassendre

aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls “renaissance negresse & ARTrepreneur” (musician/writer/actress/fine artist) Leeway Transformation Award-Winning founder & executive director of the Black Women’s Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002). Visit: http://cassendrexavier.com
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