Considering Christianity: On Addiction & Conversion 

Dear Friends & Total Complete Strangers!
I was reviewing this passage of scripture:
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1 Corinthians 6:19-20. 

New King James Version (NKJV)
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

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I found it when I was searching for what Jesus says about gluttony. Sorry, but I’ve had Jesus on the brain since my angel teacher Doreen Virtue became a born again in January 2017, but I ignored that until I watched one of her new YouTube videos last week. Since then and probably in part because of my fundamentalist Christian upbringing I have been thinking a lot about Jesus Christ.
I feel I want to become an honest-to-God Christian but I have many fears about doing so, such as losing the physical perks of not givin’ a good goddamn (ie. being largely pagan and guilt-free when it comes to earthly and bodily delights), and looking like a bonafide idiot to the brilliant atheists, agnostics, and intellectuals that I so admire.
Today I ate a lot of ice cream, and retired for the evening very early, at 5pm, so as to not eat again.

I ate no fruit and not enough vegetables (just some collards with my brown rice and dark red kidney beans).
I and many of my readers have eating disorders and other addiction issues, and if you’re one, I’m wondering if you ever considered or tried applying a religious approach to address yours? Or perhaps you tried and it didn’t work? Or perhaps yours are not a concern right now?  
Because I weigh the most I ever have, and the other health and age-related issues of my life right now, I feel compelled to make some significant changes in my daily habits.
The idea seems overwhelming but I feel comforted by an inner spiritual voice of wisdom that says, “Relax. You don’t have to change everything at once, or right away. You’re on the right path and keep up the good work. You can do it. Be brave and get the right help to align with you. You will do it.”
Does recovery from addiction have to be a scary and daunting prospect?
Why is even Jesus frightening to me?
Is it because he is male and comes with the wrath of “God His Father?”
Is my childhood experience of abuse the cause of my fear of God and if so, how will I ever get over that? Or is it normal resistance of “the flesh”?
All of my spiritual mentors are white women with soft voices. Very non-threatening. I can’t even have a black female psychotherapist. Is that related to my PTSD?
One thing I do like about Christianity is that it’s very simple. The rules are very clear. There aren’t tons of books to read: only one. 

It isn’t hard to find places to worship: there are tons.
What will I do about my erotic artistry? Will I study Gnosticism more, or just stick with the idea of a sex-positive Jesus who would allow what I’m doing there?

 When I think about it now, I feel I am bringing the lust out of people and maybe that’s not something I went to be responsible for. I don’t want to be a temptation, because I don’t know everyone’s spiritual practice, preference, or goals.
I’m not sure what I will be doing, but right now I know there is a big opportunity for me to make a positive change that could significantly alter the course of my life, if I’m willing to be brave enough to face all the many many fears involved.
I don’t like all the sad, frightening, and fearful feelings I have when I think about my Christian past and upbringing. 

 That’s why I left it long ago for the warm and fuzzy, easy breezy New Age lifestyle I switched to in my 20s. 

 But today the words of Dr. Phil came to mind: “How’s that workin’ for ya?”
How has my eclectic, interfaith, anything-goes-as-long-as-you-don’t-hurt-anyone spirituality served my mind, body, spirit and lifestyle over the years? 
What are the results?

After all, what are the fruits my spirituality has produced.
I am asking myself that today.

And as I discover the answers, I will write again. 
Thank you for reading 🙂
Cassendre 
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Responding Dos & Don’ts 
Please DO:

* Pray for me or send me positive vibes/hold a vision of my well-being/ wish me well

* Leave a positive comment if you wish (No questions please as I don’t want more to do 🙂

* Private message me ONLY IF WE KNOW EACH OTHER OFFLINE 
Please do NOT:

* Private message me UNLESS WE KNOW EACH OTHER OFFLINE 

* Recommend any books, audios or other media, churches, ministers, groups or websites of a religious nature. As my journey continues I will attract what’s best for me “by my works,” ha!!!

* Be snarky or “challenging.” I am not interested in debating.
I am grateful to know some pretty bad-ass Christ-followers in my life. I will be reaching out to some of you soon, if I remain on this path of questioning, resisting, and accepting. Thank you again! 

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About cassendre

aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls “renaissance negresse & ARTrepreneur” (musician/writer/actress/fine artist) Leeway Transformation Award-Winning founder & executive director of the Black Women’s Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002). Visit: http://cassendrexavier.com
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