Dear Friends & Total Complete Strangers!
I have obstructive sleep apnea and I use a CPAP breathing machine nightly. Since August 23rd I have not used one because my machine has been malfunctioning. I was told a new one was being shipped to me, but it hasn’t arrived yet. It’s September 2nd and I have had ten consecutive days of unsupported sleep.
One of the symptoms using the machine relieved was frequent urination. I used to not be able to go more than a few stops on public transportation without having to stop for a bathroom somewhere. And I know either where one is wherever I am at any given time, or how to find one. (I find public bathrooms now the way addicts find the providers of their needs, be it liquor stores, bars, drugs, buffet restaurants, and the like.)
I used to get up three to five times during the night to urinate. I was so glad when, nine days after using my new CPAP device, that stopped. I didn’t have to interrupt my trips or get up and out of bed so much every night.
(That was particularly challenging when I was living in a women’s homeless shelter, and was on a top bunk bed and had to climb down it three to five times a night. And I shared the room with five other wimmin, some of whom were disturbed by my loud sleep apnea-caused snoring. It was a dream, I tell ya! A dah-reeeeeam!)
Anyway, I’m back to getting up a few times a night to pee. Apparently sleep apnea does something to your body that tells it to pee all the time. My sleep doctor tried to explain it to me twice but I still don’t understand it. I think it’s something to do with the brain sending the heart an electrical signal or something and the next thing you know you gotta pee. Yeah, that’s it. And you can quote me on that. When you’re taking a crucial academic examination. Kidding! Seriously, folks, don’t quote me on sh*t!)
For the past few days I have had worrisome thoughts about a project due soon.
I have a nesting partner and I sleep with him only periodically due to the difference between mine and his ability to tolerate his uncomfortable bed!
I got up to pee around 1am. When I got up, I had worrisome thoughts as I have the last few days. When I returned to his bedroom, instead of returning to my own very comfy back-and-body supportive bedding, I saw that he was stirring in his sleep, and had moved to the far side of the bed, making room for me, a suggestion that he was feeling cuddly. I put my peach satin covered pillow next to his manly navy blue one, and claimed on in, enjoying the feel of his warm body as he immediately spooned me from behind.
Feeling his arm around my waist was like a combination of what heaven must feel like, and receiving a highly effective medication for the emotions. I smiled broadly and sincerely, wishing my smile had been captured by a camera.
(The emotion medication theory may in fact be true in the same way shamans and other lightworkers like me often intuit and teach things that science cannot prove until many, many lifetimes later. Or has proven but shamans and other lightworkers like me don’t bother researching and citing, preferring instead to live it, practice it, and teach it.)
Around 3am I got up to pee again. This time, I observed I had no worrisome thoughts about my upcoming project. “The cuddling!” I thought! That was what did it! How wonderful!
Then I went back to my own bedding (as I had to choose between my back and my emotions) and as the minutes passed began worrying again, but much less so, and about a different problem!
I think physical touch is a very important thing, especially when combined with affection. I think it helps keep us calm and feel safe and that it significantly reduces worry and anxiety.
If you have this in your life, please maximize it, treasure it, and tell your cuddle partner(s) how helpful it, and their cuddling, are to you.
If you don’t have it, and you would like to, start by providing some of this for yourself (keyword search “self-massage” and “healing benefits of touch”) while beginning to change your thoughts about what you can attract in your life insofar as regular physical affection go (see my [“Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us” series at Wisdom Magazine][http://wisdom-magazine.com/ArticleArchives.aspx?isLike=true&author=cassendre%20xavier]).
Also helpful are guided meditations which you can listen to and can be very helpful in positively altering your life experience.
My favorite guided meditations to listen to are by:
Doreen Virtue, Louise Hay, Sanaya Roman, among others.
They inspired me to make some of my own, including “Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love” which you can listen to at and/or order from CD Baby, Bandcamp, Amazon, or watch on YouTube. For more info, please visit [my website][https://cassendrexavier.wordpress.com]
If you like what I’m doing and you want to help support my dreams, please consider becoming a patron [here][http://paypal.me/CXInspiration] or [here][http://gofundme.com/CXInspiration2017]
(I am trying to raise $420.56 for September and since announcing my fundraiser early this morning folks have already donated $90 – update coming soon!)
In art, spirit, and community,